IRISHMAN FOR HIRE

I was filled with anticipation as I ran my fingernail across the edge and ripped the cellophane. The smell of vinyl wafted through the air and intoxicated me as I held the needle over the spinning edge of the disc. As I dropped the needle on my latest album, my euphoria increased as the music started blaring through my bedroom speakers.

I was caught up in this moment of blissful reminiscence the other day as I was downloading the latest batch of songs for my IPod. Music has changed over the years and so has the technology that has delivered music to our homes. I miss vinyl albums, I miss cassette tapes and I am even starting to miss compact discs. But I don’t believe it is the technology that I miss most about music. What I truly miss are the great albums that I used to buy that would grip my imagination from the first song until the very last note of the final cut.

I love these trips down memory lane because it allows me to share stories of my youth with my children. Like when I was a child and music was guitar-centric. And as the 70s turned into the 80s, The Eagles, Queen, Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones, Heart, U2, Bruce Springsteen, Boston, the Police, Billy Joel and John Mellencamp encapsulated the center of the music world. You could listen to every song they wrote and because of the work they put into the recording process, these bands turned out a multitude of hits on every album. Their music had a melody to them and their lyrics would cover any and every topic imaginable. Bono once stated emphatically that all he ever needed was, “a red guitar, three chords and the truth.”

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As we got off the bus at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, I could feel the fatigue settling into my body. This was going to be a long day, I could feel it. We had been running around Disney World since Monday night and I was tired, a little grumpy and in need of a lot of caffeine. As we entered the gate to Hollywood Studios, Stephanie saw a Cast Member dressed in a blue pantsuit handing out little white placards as she stood next to a sign that read “American Idol Experience; Auditions today.”

“Doug, you have to do this,” Stephanie said.

“Yeah, Dad, you gotta do it,” Josh agreed.

“Doug, you would be so awesome at this,” Angie stated exuberantly.

“I don’t know guys. I don’t think so… not today.”

“Come on, Doug, you’ll have fun,” Stephanie responded.

“No Steph, not today.”

“Daaaaad,” Josh said coyly as he grabbed my hand.

“Yes, Josh?”

“Dad,” he said again with a twinkle in his eye. “You can’t say ‘no’ in Disney World!”

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It has already started; the weather has gotten hot and the requests to go to the beach are starting to become a daily request. My wife, Stephanie, just got the beach sticker for the car and the children can’t wait to run and jump in the sand every single day of the summer vacation. And once again, I have renewed my annual quest to find one woman in the world that does not like the beach; just to prove a balance in the universe actually exists.

My search has taken me through many informal observations to find “the one!” I have spent years sifting through personal ads in the newspaper trying to prove that somewhere in the world there was a woman who couldn’t stand the beach. Her existence is crucial because it would be a sign that there may be a way for guys to escape the standard relationship trap of having to go through the sandy torture of the beach just to make a potential mate happy. But, alas, time and time again, in every personal ad I read, all I could find was the standard quote that stated without a doubt the simple fact that, “I (the woman) like romantic walks on the beach…” Yuck! Sickening! Gross!

What is romantic about walking on the beach? Sand gets on everything; on your feet, in your socks, in your shoes, and if we imagine for a moment where the “romantic walks” might lead to romantically, one could end up with sand in some very embarrassing and unpleasant places.

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During the early part of the 1990s, I was the lead singer of a rock ‘n roll cover band. Originally, when we started the band, we were unable to think of a name for the group so, Jack, our guitar player who was a medical engineer, suggested we call ourselves the Slide Rule Jockeys for our initial gig. At the time, everyone figured, “Why not? If anything else, at least it was an original name.”

The name Slide Rule Jockeys didn’t last long because we soon realized that there was a big difference between the word “original” which actually means “cool” and the other meaning of the word; “geeks.” At our next rehearsal, we all sat down and bounced names off the wall to see what would stick and by the end of the night; we had decided to name our group Free Beer.

Free Beer wasn’t a band name that lasted very long as well because we couldn’t get hired by any of the local establishments. Local bars refused to hire us because they wouldn’t promote our name, FREE BEER, in newspaper ads because they felt that people would show up, pay a cover charge, and expect to get “free beer” for the rest of the night. Club owners felt that customers would get angry because they were being duped by questionable advertising tactics. They liked our sound but not our name and they weren’t going to take a chance on us until we changed it.

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I am a life long New York Giants fan! As my schedule proved, I had very little time for writing this past weekend as I soaked in the aura of the Super Bowl and prepared for our annual party in honor of the big game.

As I woke up yesterday, I had time to reflect upon the Super Bowl that had been played on Sunday. I still don’t think my feet have touched the ground yet. The New York Giants achieved the impossible and did it in incredible fashion. But as I sat on my couch, recuperating from our own football game that we played earlier in the day, I had an inspirational thought; “Why am I taking a paid vacation day when today should be a Holiday?”

In the past couple of years, the buzz word that has dominated the headlines of our newspapers and television newscasts has been the word “change.” “Change direction”, Change the course”, “Change the leadership”, “Change the economic outlook”, “Change the tone/tenor”, “Change the course of history”, and so on and so on. “Change” is the buzz word for 2008 and in honor of this buzz word, I have a new motto for this election year; “Change that Holiday!”

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