IRISHMAN FOR HIRE

“Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t it true that when a new President is elected, the First lady designs a new rug for the Oval office?” I asked Seth.

“I don’t know…” Walt replied.

“… I haven’t heard anything like that,” interjected Seth. “I know there was a big deal made about Laura Bush decorating a new rug a few years ago but I am not aware of there being any type of tradition regarding the rug.”

“It’s true,” came a voice from behind us. “Whenever a new President is elected, the First lady designs the rug for the Oval office. This rug is actually the rug designed by Laura Bush because Ms. Obama has not completed hers yet.”

As we turned around to see who was answering the question, we were staring right into the face of the Secret Service Agent stationed in this section of the West Wing. He was physically menacing. He was six feet six inches tall and was chiseled from head to toe. As he was talking to us, I couldn’t help but think that this guy could break me in half with his pinkie finger.

“Thank you,” we all said.

“You’re welcome,” he responded and then returned to his post.

We turned back toward the Oval office and Seth continued to inform us about the interesting nuances of the artifacts placed in the President’s office. I was so engrossed in the conversation that I barely noticed that Josh had taken the envelope from my hand. When I felt him brush past me, I turned to see what he was up to and my eyes grew wide as Josh walked right up to the Secret Service Agent and said, “Pardon me, sir.”

“Yes, son,” the Agent said as he looked down at Josh.

“I got a football card of the President in one of my packs of football cards. I wrote the President a letter and asked if he could sign my football card for me,” Josh said as he held up the envelope in his outstretched hand.

“I’m sorry; we can’t give it to the President. He isn’t in the building,” the Agent responded with a stern look on his face.

“I have a stamped envelope, he could mail it back to me if you would be willing to give it to him,” Josh implored. The burly, muscled agent glared at Josh for a moment and his menacing aura could be felt throughout the entire room.

Then the Agent broke with protocol as he smiled at Josh, “I like you kid and I wish I could help you out, but we are not allowed to accept anything from visitors.”

“Okay,” Josh replied as his hand that was holding envelope dropped to his side. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” I interceded as I put my hands on Josh’s shoulders and ushered him in the direction of the Roosevelt Room.

“Josh, that was the wrong guy to ask,” Walt said as we turned the corner into another hallway. “He was gargantuan!”

“He could have killed me with his left eyelash Josh,” I joked as we continued down the hall.

“I don’t know,” Josh said sincerely. “He seemed nice to me.”

As we entered the Foreign Dignitaries lobby, Josh decided to move closer to another small group in the room. A gentleman was explaining the nine inconsistencies with the painting of George Washington crossing the Delaware River to four kids who were part of their group. As I was looking at some of the books on one of the shelves, I noticed the very attractive Secret Service Agent standing at the desk behind the other group in the room and she didn’t seem very happy.

I nodded in her direction as a sign of respect and acknowledgement. She returned my nod with an icy stare that sent shivers down my spine. After having been frisked at the South entrance because the package of gum that was in my shirt pocket had set off the metal detector, I didn’t want to upset any more Secret Service Agents. So I turned around and continued to look at the books on the shelf.

The gentleman leading the other group left the Foreign Dignitaries Lobby and headed for the Press Room when Seth suggested we head back to the Oval Office for one last look before leaving. But as we left the Foreign Dignitaries lobby, Walt heard someone behind him say, “Psst.”

Walt nervously turned around to see what was happening because someone saying “Psst” in the West Wing couldn’t be a good thing. As he did, the very attractive Secret Service Agent who I had just nodded at was motioning towards Josh and said, “Send the little boy back in here.”

Uh-oh. This couldn’t be good. Did Josh get caught stealing something from the White House? As we walked toward the Agent, the scowl on her face was focused like a laser beam on Josh. As he stopped in front of her, he nervously said, “Y..e..s?”

She looked around for a moment, smiled at Josh and said, “I got something for you.”

She took out a set of keys and unlocked a drawer behind the desk and handed Josh a very cool memento from our trip; three boxes of M&Ms with the President’s signature on them. We were all relieved that Josh hadn’t gotten himself into trouble. But more importantly, we were all impressed with the fact that the very attractive Secret Service Agent took a shine to my son. He spoke with her for a few moments and he thanked her for the gift. Then we all thanked her for her kindness and we walked out of the Foreign Dignitaries lobby.

As we drove home that night, we all talked about the amazing experience we had just had. The gravity of a private tour of the West Wing is something I am still internalizing. The living history that exists within those hallways settles into your bones. But to share it with my eight-year old son was an added bonus that made the entire evening that much more special. It is an experience that I will never forget for as long as I live.

I was proud of my son throughout the entire evening. He was on his best behavior, he was polite, had great questions for Seth and he took a genuine interest in the history of the West Wing. But as incredible as it was to spend an evening in the West Wing with my brother and my son, I have to admit that one of the unexpected highlights of my evening was when Josh won over the heart of the very attractive Secret Service Agent. Who knew my eight-year old son had grown into such a heartthrob?!

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Author’s note — Josh and I would like to thank Walt and Seth for making our private tour of the West Wing happen. It was an awesome excursion. Click here to see pictures from our trip. Pictures are not allowed inside the West Wing except for in the Press Room. And yes, that is Pikachu hanging from a camera in the Press Room at the White House!

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