It was a show about science versus faith. Good versus evil. Free will versus destiny. Redemption versus damnation. LOST packed all of this in a six year run that has left so many unanswered questions and personal interpretations about what happened on a remote island somewhere in the Pacific, that I believe the show will be watched again and again and talked about for years to come.
The irony is that LOST is the perfect metaphor for life. We may not be stranded on a remote island in the middle of nowhere trying to find a way home but how many of us can say that we have truly conquered the mysteries and meanings of our own lives? I know I can’t.
I am a man of faith. I believe I have done a lot more good in the world than harm. I believe everything happens for a reason and through the journey of my life, I find myself seeking redemption in my faith on a daily basis. And yet those everyday struggles still remain and with each new challenge I face, my belief in myself and my core values are tested.
I am in the process of making big changes in my life. It is a plan that started over five months ago and has a billion moving parts. There are times when the chaos is absolutely exhilarating while at other times, the ability to juggle so many tasks in such a short amount of time can be exasperating and overwhelming. And as usual, there have been many points in the middle of the whole plan when I have been lost in the details and caught up by the minutiae of the moment that allowed my one fear to encompass me.
I have a fear of failure. I can handle losing. I can handle mediocrity. And if I am being honest with myself, I can even handle the fact that every aspect of our lives is not destined to succeed exactly how we planned it. That is the brilliance of the plan that God forges for all of us. There will be setbacks and roadblocks along the way. But during the past few months, there have been a few moments when my life changing plan almost came crashing down and I found out exactly how much I fear failure.
I have many mechanisms for facing my fears. I have tried Jack’s method for conquering fear and there have been many times when I have counted my five seconds. Before big meetings, speeches, sporting events and other nerve wracking moments, his method has worked brilliantly. If I need a moment to focus, there is no better method. But at this point in my life, the change is too big and the stakes are too high.
I have a former minister who has always preached the idea of “Let go and let God.” In the past, handing the problem over to God and asking for his help has worked very effectively. It has given me inner peace. It has given me strength I never knew I had. It has helped me to have “the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
But over the past couple of weeks, in those moments of prayer, reflection and introspection, I have mistakenly let the fear of failure creep back into my mind and wreak havoc with my psyche. I am frustrated with myself because I trust God to help me overcome all of the obstacles that I will encounter and show me the road I am supposed to travel. So for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why I was unable to hand over my fear and let go of the worry.
Last week as I was reading my cousin Wendy’s Facebook page, I stumbled upon the following status that she posted; “if you are having a bad day it’d be a great day to write God a letter and unload it all on Him. Then ask Him to heal your heart.” And in a moment of clarity I realized that I hadn’t asked God to heal my heart. But once I did, a calming peace washed over me as I successfully faced the final hurdles in this phase of the plan.
Yes, LOST is the perfect metaphor for my life. I live on my own island in the middle of nowhere trying to find my way through the world around me. And when I think I know the answers or have figured out the mysteries of the world, new challenges are presented that force me to reevaluate my own beliefs and my personal convictions. Whether by faith or by science, free will or by destiny, I have chosen a path to walk and those people to walk with me who will help me succeed in my quest. There will be always be tests. Tough times and great successes await me in the years to come. And with each new crossroad I approach, I hope to choose the road that helps me and all of my loved ones find peace of mind and redemption in our lives.