IRISHMAN FOR HIRE

During the early part of the 1990s, I was the lead singer of a rock ‘n roll cover band. Originally, when we started the band, we were unable to think of a name for the group so, Jack, our guitar player who was a medical engineer, suggested we call ourselves the Slide Rule Jockeys for our initial gig. At the time, everyone figured, “Why not? If anything else, at least it was an original name.”

The name Slide Rule Jockeys didn’t last long because we soon realized that there was a big difference between the word “original” which actually means “cool” and the other meaning of the word; “geeks.” At our next rehearsal, we all sat down and bounced names off the wall to see what would stick and by the end of the night; we had decided to name our group Free Beer.

Free Beer wasn’t a band name that lasted very long as well because we couldn’t get hired by any of the local establishments. Local bars refused to hire us because they wouldn’t promote our name, FREE BEER, in newspaper ads because they felt that people would show up, pay a cover charge, and expect to get “free beer” for the rest of the night. Club owners felt that customers would get angry because they were being duped by questionable advertising tactics. They liked our sound but not our name and they weren’t going to take a chance on us until we changed it.

Our drummer, Matt, suggested the name Totally Nude Girls because guys would show up hoping to find “Totally Nude Girls,” but we nixed that idea quickly for one simple reason; again, local establishments wouldn’t hire us. So we were back at square one. We didn’t have a name to promote the band and if we couldn’t promote the band, we couldn’t get hired.

So we did what every other band that didn’t have a gig on a Friday night did, we went out for some drinks. In one of the bars, near my apartment, we ran into the members of the band Sunflower and proceeded to have a really good time. Bands had a sub-culture all to ourselves; we all did our own thing but behind the scenes, we also rooted for one another to succeed. We hoped that one of the competing bands would get noticed and signed to a recording contract but until that happened, we hung out and swapped “war stories” of gigs, bar flies, groupies and club owners with one another.

On this particular night, the goal was to come up with a name for our band. We all had a good time trying to come up with a quality name and we all had some drinks but in the end, we never settled on a name for our group that we liked. We had fun trying but by our best efforts came up short.

As the funny stories continued throughout the night, I looked around the bar and noticed that Matt had disappeared; he just left the pub and was gone. I decided to go look for him in a couple of other taverns down the street, but I couldn’t find him anywhere. I knew he didn’t drive his car anywhere because I had his car keys locked up safely in my apartment where he wouldn’t find them. Figuring that he probably went back to my place and was waiting for us on the front steps, I decided to find Jack and call it a night.

When I got back to the original bar, I found that Jack was in a good mood and very inebriated. It was close to last call, so I notified Jack that we needed to call it a night so we could head back to my apartment to catch up with Matt. Jack agreed it was time to leave and we had a very comical stroll back to my place but when we finally made it, Matt was nowhere to be found. Since he wasn’t at my apartment, there were only two possible options for his whereabouts; 1) he met a girl and took off with her or (2) he was wandering around South Norwalk in the middle of the night.

Jack passed out on the couch so I put a bucket next to him and I headed back out to see if I could find Matt. I spent a long time walking around the main parts of downtown looking for him and much to my chagrin, he wasn’t anywhere. It was an interesting night nonetheless.

During my search for Matt, I was propositioned by numerous hookers and dealers but the most heart stopping, startling moment of the evening was when I had to dive head first for cover into an alley. As I was walking around South Norwalk, I heard gunshots. I had never heard gunfire this close to me before and I wasn’t taking any chances on being in the middle of a shoot out if it resumed. I had no clue where the gunfire was coming from or in what direction bullets were flying so when I got back up and brushed myself off, I chose to head back to my apartment.

The next morning I was jarred from a deep sleep by the incessant ringing of my telephone. It was Matt and he was okay. When I asked him where he was, he told me that he couldn’t remember what street my apartment was on. So after searching for my place for a while, he decided to take a cab back to his house in Greenwich.

I was pissed. I had spent most of the night looking for someone who wasn’t even in the same city. I was angry because he took off from the bar and he didn’t have the common courtesy to tell us he was leaving. I was ticked off because I had tried to call his apartment during the night but no one had answered his phone. I was irate because the more he told me about his story of the previous night; he dismissed the accounts of what I had done the previous night as nothing more than stupidity on my part.

I was still pissed off at Matt at our next rehearsal. I don’t exactly recall what happened during the session that set me off; maybe he messed up the drum solo or maybe I screwed up the lyrics but whatever the reason was, I just snapped, “You’re an a—–e!”

“Dude, what did I do?”

“Just get it right or let’s call it a night!”

“I don’t know what your problem is but you need to chill out!”

“He’s still pissed about the other night.” Jack said snidely knowing that he would get a rise out of both of us.

“I couldn’t find your place, so I went home. What’s your problem?!”

“My problem is that you didn’t tell anybody you wanted to leave. I walked all over the place looking for you thinking that something bad might have happened.”

“I went home, get over it!”

“No, I won’t! Your stupidity could have gotten someone killed. I could’ve been caught in the crossfire of that gun fight and shot, you jackass!”

And that was all it took, as soon as the words left my mouth, the taunting began almost instantaneously. I don’t know who started making fun of me first but it went on for months. Like clockwork, Dan, Matt, and Jack started laughing at my comment and decided that the name of our band was going to be “Crossfire.” Our name had become as much a self-incriminating joke as it was, in our opinion, a cool name.

We never got to find out if Crossfire was good enough to take off and go anywhere. I believe we were good but you would have to ask my wife or some of our friends who knew us and heard the band play. The biggest problem for Crossfire was that we had a constant struggle to keep a bass player with the band. Dan wanted to be the front man and lead guitarist and once he left, the revolving door of bassists soon began.

Finally, we disbanded in the late spring of 1996. I was sad to see that part of my life end because music has always been such a huge part of my life but as new opportunities were starting to evolve, I had to let my fleeting aspirations and dreams about a career in music behind. But I did not walk away empty handed.

For a bunch of years, I lived my dream. I fronted a rock ‘n roll band. I stood on stage and performed in front of crowds. But most importantly, I took a shot at doing what I wanted to do in my life. I may not have attained stardom but I did achieve one very important goal; I am content with the outcome because I tried. I will never wonder “what if” because I gave it my heart and soul. Although it didn’t work out the way I wanted, I will take away so many wonderful memories and life lessons from my experience.

A couple of weeks ago, I went out to a local karaoke bar with some friends. My voice has the power it always had but because I don’t sing as much as I used to, I miss some of the tougher notes. My friends make fun of me for being a geek but I like karaoke. When I get the chance, I will go out and perform. It is a far cry from my days as the lead singer of Crossfire and the camaraderie that comes with being in a rock ‘n roll band but I have to admit, there is a little sub-culture that exists among the karaoke regulars that has been an interesting dynamic to watch.

But for now, karaoke is my outlet. I live a normal life in the suburbs with a wife, a house, kids, and a job, and every once in a while, I get to take the stage at a local bar and remember what it was like to perform with Crossfire. As dumb as it sounds, it is my way of connecting with a time when I lived a life a little less ordinary.

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